Emotional - Parents Precinct

It’s an unfamiliar road I travel right now, my clever, funny and wonderfully social 3 ½ year old son has been well versed on all the business of number ones and twos for quite some time now yet my decision to wait until ‘he was ready’ has proved futile. My dear boy was more than happy to continue on in nappies until who knows when; I however can see an imminent deadline approaching, my absolute and unwavering objective…kindergarten.

My plan of attack? He’s going cold turkey on the nappies. Based on a plethora of advice I have waded through on the web and deciphered from well meaning friends and relatives, I came to the conclusion that he is old enough, he gets it and I’m just helping him along with that final piece of the puzzle…actually doing it.

Well aware that I may have missed the earlier window of ease at say 2 ½ years old, the whole issue in toilet training him as an older child is just how knowing he is…and by that I mean HE ‘knows’ how much I want this. So I’m bringing out the big guns…food rewards, superhero phone calls, favourite character jocks, You Can Do It songs etc etc…each one sounds more promising than the next.

So half way through the day, we’re 0 for 0. But if you look at that positively, we haven’t failed. The only question now is who can last longer…my strong-willed boy and his equally compliant bladder or Me, the motivational wee coach complete with a timer attached to her shirt (to remind me to remind him to ‘go’).

Stay tuned.

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Posted By: Prue DeAraugo - Category: Opinion, Emotional

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Taking Control. Toddler Tantrums

September 14th 2008 02:46

"Waaaaaaaa!” was the reaction I got from my 15 month old, as I marched her out of the kitchen where she was emptying the cupboards, and getting under my feet, while I was cooking. As I lead her out, she was stamping those little feet, and screaming her lungs out.

She is only 15 months old; I thought I had a bit more time before the tantrums start. I checked with my mother’s group. Yep, they were all having tantrums when they weren’t getting their own way.

This time I left her to scream on the floor for five minutes, and then managed to distract her with her “Iggle Piggle.”

According to psychological studies, tantrums and defiance are a normal part of development. They are your child’s way of exerting control. However, children need boundaries and studies have shown that parents that give in too easily to their child’s tantrums have problems exerting control later in their child’s development, such as adolescence.

Let’s face it, there are times in every parent’s life when we are just so tired and worn out that we do give in. That is ok, but do it too often and you are going to have no end of problems.

Here are some general ideas and tips to cope with your little rascal.

Do not give in too easily, or reward tantrums. Studies have shown that toddlers like you to be in charge it makes them feel safe. If you give in it gives them mixed messages.

Stay calm, do not smack, or shake your child, and do not scream at them, it just makes it worse

Take a few minutes, and a deep breath before you decide what you are going to do. You could:

Ignore the tantrum and carry on with what you are doing (make sure your child is somewhere safe) or

Distract them, if you are taking them away from something unsafe, such as the kitchen cupboards, give them something safe to play with.

Don’t let your fear of your child throwing a tantrum change the way your treat her. For example if you treat her differently in front of visitors for fear she will have a tantrum, she will soon learn the effects of her behaviour, and start performing deliberately.

Most of all do not take tantrums personally; they are not about you, they are about her learning her boundaries..

Ignore nosey onlookers, some people have nothing better to do than criticise your parenting skills, whether say something out loud or just giving you a disapproving look. Who cares? You don’t know them and you will never see them again. Focus on your child.

Another thing I find useful is, try not to take your child shopping when they are tired, for example on the way home from day care.

Keep your child off sweets for as long as possible, if they have never experienced them, and don’t know what they are they won’t ask for them in the supermarket. Try to take healthy snacks with you. I have bread sticks and a little container of grapes in my handbag to give my daughter when she is out so I don’t need to buy her junk food when she is hungry.

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Posted By: Sara Dobson - Category: Emotional

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Building your childs self esteem

August 31st 2008 11:35

Self-esteem is about liking yourself; it makes you feel as if you are a worthwhile person. It is about knowing you have a place in the world, that you are an important member of your family.

Why is self-esteem important?

Having a healthy self-esteem is an important part of psychological functioning. If a child has good self-esteem, they tend to value themselves, and have pride in their achievements. They are less likely to bow to peer pressure and participate in activities (such as drug taking or smoking) that are detrimental to their health.

How do you help your child build healthy self-esteem?

The most important thing for a child, is knowing that the most important people in their lives, (their parents), love and respect them for who they are.

Below are some ideas to help your child build a healthy sense of self-esteem:
• Communication – Listen to your child’s worries or concerns without judging them for feeling a certain way. Talking to a child about their thoughts and feelings is a good way to build an emotional bond with your child, which also helps them build confidence and independence.
• Commitment – A child needs at least one adult who is committed and available to them long term. You may think this is obvious, but feeding and clothing children alone is not enough. They need to know that you will always be there for them, and always on their side.
• Keep criticism to a minimum. Children learn from positive reinforcement rather than punishment.
• Tell your child you love them every day. Children really need to hear this, you cannot expect them to be sure of your love just because you are a parent and you feed them. Remember to give them cuddles and kisses. If you have to discipline your child, make sure it is the clear that it is the behaviour you don’t like, not them.
• Empathise with your child – If your child compares himself or herself unfavourably with a friend or sibling, for example “why can’t I run fast like my brother”, tell them “yes running is a special talent for your brother, and you have a special talent in writing”. So that your child learns, everyone has strengths and weaknesses.
• Support your child when they are trying something new – Resist the urge to jump in and take over if your child is frustrated when trying to learn a new task, it fosters dependence and reduces their confidence.
• Be a good role model – By behaving in a loving respectful way towards others, your children also learn appropriate social behaviours.

Nurturing children into well-balanced confident adults takes time. Parents and other carers play a big role in developing a child’s self-esteem, by respecting them, listening to their opinions, and spending quality time with them.

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Posted By: Sara Dobson - Category: Emotional

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