Sara Dobson
Rachel Henwood - Freelance WriterMiddle Child Syndrome
September 22nd 2008 00:30
When my older brother was born not only was he my parents first, he was also the first grandchild, he received a lot of attention.
By the time I came along soon after my brother, my firsts were overshadowed, there was definitely less praise. Then my younger brother came along, there was five years between my younger brother and I, so he could just relax as we had paved the road for him.
People that have not been a middle child do not believe this sydrome exists, but any middle child will disagree.
Middle children often feel they never know their place in the family. Parents are excited and nervous about the first child, and every milestone is praised. When the second comes along they are milestones are expected. There is just no competing with the oldest for being the first at everything.
The youngest is special because he is the youngest, he is often spoiled and is not disciplined to the extent the older children are. Middle children cannot compete with the youngest in terms of cuteness. Parents are more relaxed and therefore the child tends to be too.
I tried to get the attention of my parents but failed. It took me years but I eventually got over trying to please my parents, or get them to see me as an individual. I went through life keeping people at a distance; I told myself I was rejecting them.
Research has shown that due to feeling like outsiders in their family, middle children are the most likely to distance themselves, and the most likely to relocate overseas.
Other traits that are common among middle children are:
Have neither rights of oldest nor privileges of youngest.
Being introverted and a loner
Not great achievers due to the older one getting all the praise and attention
Often artistically or creatively inclined
Likes change.
Feels life is unfair.
Feels unloved, left out, ``squeezed’’.
Becomes discouraged and a ``problem child’’, or elevates self by pushing down other siblings.
Is adaptable.
Learns to deal with older and younger sibling.
Here is some advice on dealing with a middle child to ensure they feel they too have a special place in the family.
1. Hug them and praise them. Know that when they are pushing you away, they desperately want your love.
2. Remember to praise your middle child’s achievements,
3. Listen to them, often middle children are ignored because of the special oldest or the cute youngest. Feeling that you do not belong in a family can lead a middle child to look elsewhere, for me it was joining up with the Mormons, because they showed an interest.
4. Don’t compare them with the other siblings.
5. Remember to tell them they are important and that you love them.
6. Take an interest in their activities
For those of you who don't think this syndrome exist do a google search on middle child syndrome and you will find 100s of accounts of how it felt to be a middle child.
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