Stay At Home Dads
July 12th 2007 07:28
I'm writing this as a stay at home Dad to give a first-hand experience of what a tough job caring for a young child can be. I've been watching my daughter grow up for close to five years and have been at home with her for the better part of three. Just enough time to really get the feel of what most women go through in our society who raise children. Again hats off to anybody staying home to rear their children since it is one of the most difficult and underated jobs anybody could have. I'm going to approach this from a Dad perspective, but I'm sure most of it applies to Moms too! I'm going to also preface this by saying that I am blessed to have my daughter and to stay home with her and while she is truly a gift from God to me, she is also gifted and requires more than the usual amount of stimulation and energy to raise. Staying at home has been quite the learning experience. I would say there have been different phases of learning. There was the beginning or new phase, where we spent almost every waking moment together creating that all important bond of attachment. We were very close and never tarried too far from one another. We were in awe of each other and how the time would fly just looking into each others eyes. During this time we stayed home much and were content just to explore the living room, garden, or the occassional stroll through the neighborhood. LIfe was easy and contained. Not a problem. Later came the exploring and walking phase. We would take walks around the block that seemed like a big deal. The days became a little more tiring and started to blur. Shaving became less important but learning the names of my daughter's favorite animals and such took on an extreme quality. Memorizing tunes from her favorite programs that have stayed in my head to this day became the norm. Cooking and cleaning are entire jobs unto themselves without raising a child. Washing, drying, and folding seemed out of the question. These were the days of the beginning to realize that I would have no life outside my daughter's life. I would become an unpaid servant who would respond to every call and would be of service 24-7. LIttle did I know that I would soon lose my entire identity. Eventually I would come to the place learning and playing. I would become a parent, teacher, coach, doctor, and anything else my daughter needed. I would begin to know things that nobody else in the world knew, just because I spent so much time with her. I would get to know her in intimate ways that nobody would be able to begin to understand. I would recognize her cries, whines, the fussy ones from being tired, the serious ones from being hurt, and the crocodile tears as well. Along the way my daughter would teach me so much and I would continue my education all over again. Everything I learned in school would go right out the door. This was real life and it was all just beginning. My daughter being the bright child that she is would continue to bombard me with questions such as "how did the first man and woman come to be on earht?" And "how many miles from the Sun is Mercury?" "What about Pluto?" These questions always come after a fresh nights sleep and she is waking me up. I've learned that sleep is something I will always need more of and that children are not sleeping they are recharging. Slowly as my daughter became more interested in her world and her activites such as ballet, art, science, she began to take classes to enrich her life, I slowly began to lose mine. The process is so very slow that you cannot see it coming. One day you just wake up and realize you have slipped into a walking coma of a life. Now mind you, some like to stay home, and would do anything to be in this position, and while I feel grateful and extremely blessed, I also want to portray what can be some of the pitfalls for myself. I have actually worked with children quite extensively and have the need to be out in the world. I don't do well with monotony and being indoors, so this has been a challenge for me. I also like to work. I know who would have thought Dad's values would kick in. I like to be busy creating new projects and working on old ones. So here are my tips for stay at home Dads.
1) Get Support. I mean this in that there are many people staying at home with their children and getting in contact with others who are going through what you are going through is huge.
2) Don't Isolate. It is real easy to get into a routine, and while this is important be sure to get out there and meet some new people. This is helpful for you and your children.
3) Stress Management. Find a way to relax and let go of the day. It may be going to the gym, or meditation, or even hanging out with the guys. You need a way to come down, and the more relaxed you are the better you are going to be with your children.
4) Get Regular Sleep. This is a difficult one because when you are watching an infant this is not always possible. Try to get a regular bedtime for yourself. If you need to arrange for a power nap, by all means do it.
5) Eat Right. It is all too easy to let ourselves go when we are responsible for others. We have to continue to eat healthy. I often find myself eating left-overs my daughter leaves behind and this can be dangerous. Those PB&J ends can add a few extra pounds.
6) Communicate with your significant other what is going on for you. Often times our partners have no clue what it's like to stay home with a child. They come home all bubbly after having been with adults all day discussing world events and all we've seen or heard for the past 8-9 hours is nursery rhymes or "Why Dadddy?" "Why?"
7) Hobbies. Continue to do things that bring you pleasure. This sounds like a no-brainer, but it is so easy to let go of the things we truly love to do in favor of our children doing what they want all the time.
8) Schedule date night. Take some time for you and your significant other to go out on a date. This means hiring a babysitter or leaving your child with Grandma and Grandpa, or a trusted friend. No checking in every five minutes either or it defeats the purpose. This is a time for you to re-connect with your partner.
9) Overnights. When your child is old enough, you might want to schedule an overnight with the Grandparents or a trusted friend.
10) Talk about it. Be proud of the fact that you are a Stay At Home Dad! Many times we feel we have to explain why we are at home instead of our partners. Do not fall into this trap. You are a fortunate person who for whatever reasons has the privilege of watching your child grow up and this requires no explanations!
In Peace and Love,
George
1) Get Support. I mean this in that there are many people staying at home with their children and getting in contact with others who are going through what you are going through is huge.
2) Don't Isolate. It is real easy to get into a routine, and while this is important be sure to get out there and meet some new people. This is helpful for you and your children.
3) Stress Management. Find a way to relax and let go of the day. It may be going to the gym, or meditation, or even hanging out with the guys. You need a way to come down, and the more relaxed you are the better you are going to be with your children.
4) Get Regular Sleep. This is a difficult one because when you are watching an infant this is not always possible. Try to get a regular bedtime for yourself. If you need to arrange for a power nap, by all means do it.
5) Eat Right. It is all too easy to let ourselves go when we are responsible for others. We have to continue to eat healthy. I often find myself eating left-overs my daughter leaves behind and this can be dangerous. Those PB&J ends can add a few extra pounds.
6) Communicate with your significant other what is going on for you. Often times our partners have no clue what it's like to stay home with a child. They come home all bubbly after having been with adults all day discussing world events and all we've seen or heard for the past 8-9 hours is nursery rhymes or "Why Dadddy?" "Why?"
7) Hobbies. Continue to do things that bring you pleasure. This sounds like a no-brainer, but it is so easy to let go of the things we truly love to do in favor of our children doing what they want all the time.
8) Schedule date night. Take some time for you and your significant other to go out on a date. This means hiring a babysitter or leaving your child with Grandma and Grandpa, or a trusted friend. No checking in every five minutes either or it defeats the purpose. This is a time for you to re-connect with your partner.
9) Overnights. When your child is old enough, you might want to schedule an overnight with the Grandparents or a trusted friend.
10) Talk about it. Be proud of the fact that you are a Stay At Home Dad! Many times we feel we have to explain why we are at home instead of our partners. Do not fall into this trap. You are a fortunate person who for whatever reasons has the privilege of watching your child grow up and this requires no explanations!
In Peace and Love,
George
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