Prue DeAraugo
RyanaTaking Control. Toddler Tantrums
September 14th 2008 02:46
She is only 15 months old; I thought I had a bit more time before the tantrums start. I checked with my mother’s group. Yep, they were all having tantrums when they weren’t getting their own way.
This time I left her to scream on the floor for five minutes, and then managed to distract her with her “Iggle Piggle.”
According to psychological studies, tantrums and defiance are a normal part of development. They are your child’s way of exerting control. However, children need boundaries and studies have shown that parents that give in too easily to their child’s tantrums have problems exerting control later in their child’s development, such as adolescence.
Let’s face it, there are times in every parent’s life when we are just so tired and worn out that we do give in. That is ok, but do it too often and you are going to have no end of problems.
Here are some general ideas and tips to cope with your little rascal.
Do not give in too easily, or reward tantrums. Studies have shown that toddlers like you to be in charge it makes them feel safe. If you give in it gives them mixed messages.
Stay calm, do not smack, or shake your child, and do not scream at them, it just makes it worse
Take a few minutes, and a deep breath before you decide what you are going to do. You could:
Ignore the tantrum and carry on with what you are doing (make sure your child is somewhere safe) or
Distract them, if you are taking them away from something unsafe, such as the kitchen cupboards, give them something safe to play with.
Don’t let your fear of your child throwing a tantrum change the way your treat her. For example if you treat her differently in front of visitors for fear she will have a tantrum, she will soon learn the effects of her behaviour, and start performing deliberately.
Most of all do not take tantrums personally; they are not about you, they are about her learning her boundaries..
Ignore nosey onlookers, some people have nothing better to do than criticise your parenting skills, whether say something out loud or just giving you a disapproving look. Who cares? You don’t know them and you will never see them again. Focus on your child.
Another thing I find useful is, try not to take your child shopping when they are tired, for example on the way home from day care.
Keep your child off sweets for as long as possible, if they have never experienced them, and don’t know what they are they won’t ask for them in the supermarket. Try to take healthy snacks with you. I have bread sticks and a little container of grapes in my handbag to give my daughter when she is out so I don’t need to buy her junk food when she is hungry.
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