Teenager, let me understand you!
September 7th 2007 20:11
Teenagers! Even if we don't have them, we were all one at some time or other. Yet still, all adults have trouble understanding them, especially at the times when the teen is in another of their "moods" and storms to their room without a word.
It's the way fashions and fads change over the years that renders us unable to empathise with teenagers of today.
When you look back on the time that you were aged between 13 and 18, you may only remember snippets of that era. You may remember the way that adolescents needed to "fit-in" with their peers and that they had to listen to just the right music and wear the right clothes to be branded popular. You will also remember the arguments with parents about which rules you needed to follow and also all of the silly mistakes you made that created the person that you are today.
When you think of that angst filled time of your life, you more than likely realise now that sometimes the adults were right and that they were only thinking of your safety. But did you think that at the time?
Chances are the answer is no!
This is the first thing to remember when your teenager is screaming at you about a rule not being fair. One day they WILL thank you for it.
But if put ourselves in that teenagers place now and not later, it is easy to see why the teen years are so hard.
For these examples, we will use a fictional young girl called Julie. Now, Julie is 14 years old and wants to be popular in school and within her circle of friends.
If we look at some, probably all too familiar, situations and look at them from both Julie's and her mother Sarah's point of view, you may be able to take a little peek into your teenagers point of view.
Scenario one.
Julie wants the latest style in shoes, so that she has the same as the popular girls in school. Sarah cannot afford to buy Julie yet another pair of school shoes as she bought a pair only 3 months ago that are still wearable.
Julie's point of view...
"I can't believe mum won't let me have the shoes. They're only 20 quid and Jenny and Alison at school are wearing them. If I don't get them soon everyone will have some but me and I won't be 'in' anymore. It's really unfair."
Sarah's point of view...
"I really can't afford another pair of shoes for her. Money is tight at the moment with all of the bills coming in. Julie doesn't need new shoes to be popular, she should let her personality shine through and set her own trends. Back in my day we had one pair of shoes to last us a whole year."
This is an awkward situation that will end in a fight if not dealt with quickly. Sarah cannot really afford to buy the shoes for Julie and makes a fair point that she shouldn't need all of the latest trends just to be popular. But Julie's point of view is also relevant. She wants to fit in with her friends and, at her young age, doesn't understand that there are other things to pay first. A possible idea to solve this is to encourage Julie to get a paper round or Saturday job. That way she can learn the value of money, which will set her in good stead for adult life, and also she will have the money to go shopping with friends and buy the latest things whilst no laying the financial burden on her mum.
Scenario Two
Julie wants to go on a date with her new boyfriend. He has asked her to the cinema, but the film that they want to see doesn't end until 30 minutes after her curfew. That means that she will be almost an hour late home.
Sarah's point of view...
"She will be travelling home with a boy when it's late. This isn't safe. Young girls get hurt every day for being out that late. I cannot allow it."
Julie's point of view...
"It's not like I'll be drinking or anything, we are going to see a film. I'm old enough to look after myself now and I know how dangerous the world is. Why can't mum see that and give me a chance?"
Again, this can be complicated. The simplest answer would be for Sarah to transport Julie both to and from the cinema, but Julie may feel as though she is being treat like a child. Maybe Sarah could take Julie to a place near enough to the cinema for her to be safe but not close enough for her to feel silly, and pick her up from an agreed place. This way Sarah is respecting Julie's maturity and showing that she trusts her but still sets her own mind at rest. It also ensures that Julie is safe.
I hope this helps you to see from your teens point of view.
It's the way fashions and fads change over the years that renders us unable to empathise with teenagers of today.
When you look back on the time that you were aged between 13 and 18, you may only remember snippets of that era. You may remember the way that adolescents needed to "fit-in" with their peers and that they had to listen to just the right music and wear the right clothes to be branded popular. You will also remember the arguments with parents about which rules you needed to follow and also all of the silly mistakes you made that created the person that you are today.
When you think of that angst filled time of your life, you more than likely realise now that sometimes the adults were right and that they were only thinking of your safety. But did you think that at the time?
Chances are the answer is no!
This is the first thing to remember when your teenager is screaming at you about a rule not being fair. One day they WILL thank you for it.
But if put ourselves in that teenagers place now and not later, it is easy to see why the teen years are so hard.
For these examples, we will use a fictional young girl called Julie. Now, Julie is 14 years old and wants to be popular in school and within her circle of friends.
If we look at some, probably all too familiar, situations and look at them from both Julie's and her mother Sarah's point of view, you may be able to take a little peek into your teenagers point of view.
Scenario one.
Julie wants the latest style in shoes, so that she has the same as the popular girls in school. Sarah cannot afford to buy Julie yet another pair of school shoes as she bought a pair only 3 months ago that are still wearable.
Julie's point of view...
"I can't believe mum won't let me have the shoes. They're only 20 quid and Jenny and Alison at school are wearing them. If I don't get them soon everyone will have some but me and I won't be 'in' anymore. It's really unfair."
Sarah's point of view...
"I really can't afford another pair of shoes for her. Money is tight at the moment with all of the bills coming in. Julie doesn't need new shoes to be popular, she should let her personality shine through and set her own trends. Back in my day we had one pair of shoes to last us a whole year."
This is an awkward situation that will end in a fight if not dealt with quickly. Sarah cannot really afford to buy the shoes for Julie and makes a fair point that she shouldn't need all of the latest trends just to be popular. But Julie's point of view is also relevant. She wants to fit in with her friends and, at her young age, doesn't understand that there are other things to pay first. A possible idea to solve this is to encourage Julie to get a paper round or Saturday job. That way she can learn the value of money, which will set her in good stead for adult life, and also she will have the money to go shopping with friends and buy the latest things whilst no laying the financial burden on her mum.
Scenario Two
Julie wants to go on a date with her new boyfriend. He has asked her to the cinema, but the film that they want to see doesn't end until 30 minutes after her curfew. That means that she will be almost an hour late home.
Sarah's point of view...
"She will be travelling home with a boy when it's late. This isn't safe. Young girls get hurt every day for being out that late. I cannot allow it."
Julie's point of view...
"It's not like I'll be drinking or anything, we are going to see a film. I'm old enough to look after myself now and I know how dangerous the world is. Why can't mum see that and give me a chance?"
Again, this can be complicated. The simplest answer would be for Sarah to transport Julie both to and from the cinema, but Julie may feel as though she is being treat like a child. Maybe Sarah could take Julie to a place near enough to the cinema for her to be safe but not close enough for her to feel silly, and pick her up from an agreed place. This way Sarah is respecting Julie's maturity and showing that she trusts her but still sets her own mind at rest. It also ensures that Julie is safe.
I hope this helps you to see from your teens point of view.
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