V is for Validation

The other day I received one of those ‘what makes women special’ emails…you know the sort that your mum or girlfriend sends you because they have to forward it on to eight other strong women in their life. Usually aimed squarely at mothers, these poetic, sentimental and emotive emails are indeed very nice to receive but the whole concept of patting each other on the back made me think about validation. How do we get it? How much do we need it? Do some need it more than others?

In an attempt to crack the mystery, I’ve decided to examine my own life stage and my need for validation. The reason I say life stage is because I have an inkling that the level of validation women require is directly in proportion to a particular phase in her life…motherhood. I realise that I could be accused of generalising mothers here, but my theory comes from some very “extensive research” i.e. coffee with the girls, conducted over “several years” i.e. since we had our children.

This “investigative study” (and I use the term loosely), revealed to me that, as mothers, we seem to be stuck between two very contradictory realms. The first being the amazing, together, powerful, decisive, life creating force of female form and the other being the timid, unsure, vulnerable, insecure little girl madly paddling just to stay afloat. Of course we prefer the former but is it the awareness of each one that makes us crave validation? Perhaps, this is why the “women rule” emails keep emanating, for we are acknowledging our conflicting worlds and reminding ourselves of our worth.

So who else does that leave to fulfil our quest for validation? You got it…our husbands, boyfriends, fathers, brothers...our men. Now this will be the point in which my husband will switch into “surely she knows how much I appreciate her” mode. But fear not dear husband and all other men out there, I am not about to man-bash. In this instance, I really feel that this conundrum slots unswervingly into the eternal gender divide. Our men…try as they might…will never be able to fully validate our complex beings because we are only too aware of the huge physiological, hormonal and emotional chasms separating us.

Of course this does not mean that men need to stop trying, oh no, in fact that would be catastrophic! I just think that our men may have an easier time of it if they recognise the integral role they play is simply one in a cast of thousands. For true validation, women need to surround themselves with love, friendship and support; it’s all just too much for one person. Our children, mother, sisters, friends, acquaintances, colleagues all come together to contribute to our complete happiness.

So as my examination of the female psyche draws to a close, I feel it is only fair to impart just one more piece of advice to our beloved men. Never feel downtrodden and demoralised if your words of encouragement and support are met with resentment or doubt…it’s simply time to call for reinforcements.

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